Have you heard of Scott London? He is a man of many talents. This is one of his blog posts called Avoid Success at all Costs. I have reproduced it below and would be curious what you think of it. Be sure and check out his blog and website here. This is an older post:
Avoid Success At All Costs
from the Scott London Blog by Scott London
“Be anything you like,” Thomas Merton once said, “be madmen, drunks, and bastards of every shape and form, but at all costs avoid one thing: success.”
I love this quote. It’s a reminder to slow down and reexamine what we’re doing.
The fierce drive to accomplish something and make a name for ourselves too often takes us down the wrong path. In the end, the qualities we’re looking for are those that go with being free of worldly success.
Ultimately, the aim must be to become indifferent to what people think of us; to become immune to applause and unmoved by criticism. There is integrity in that.
The goal must be to be present with what we’re doing– so present that we do it gracefully, effortlessly. There is great joy in that.
Success, when it does come, tends to be relatively short-lived in any case. That means that we’re all thrown back on ourselves sooner or later. When that day arrives we have no choice but to find something more lasting to pin our hopes to.
And that, I believe, is what Merton was saying.
Incidentally, he became very successful himself. But he understood what few of us, in our quest for worldly recognition, realize that celebrity, when freed of the trappings of ego, is simply another path of service.
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Do you think there is integrity in being immune to what other people think of us? Do you believe that true success is “another path to service”? Is there anything that especially speaks to you from this Scott London blog post? As always, I’d love to hear from you.
P.S. I am an ex-shrink who writes award-winning novels. Check out my books here.
A quote from my own novel here: (sorry, I just have to, it’s too on-target)
Welsey came back and rechecked her BlackBerry. “That was my hell. That’s the price I pay for my choice. The unfairness is, I don’t know what my choice is yet.â€
“What do you mean?†I asked.
“If I’m small, I can’t influence things, I can’t have the control I want. But if I’m really, really big I can’t…influence things, I can’t have the control I want. Maybe there’s an ideal size, but I haven’t found it yet. People confuse fame with love.†She plopped back on the couch and curled herself into a ball. “But fame isn’t the reward. Fulfillment from doing the thing you love, that’s the reward.â€
“Do you believe that?â€
She smiled sweetly. “No.â€
Her phone chirped. She grabbed it so quick she almost dropped it, checked the screen, tossed it back. “But I’m supposed to. It’s what my therapist tells me.”
Excellent, John. Please let me know when this novel of yours comes out!
Been meaning to talk to you about agents… 🙂
“Ultimately, the aim must be to become indifferent to what people think of us — to become immune to applause and unmoved by criticism.”
I’m not sure that’s the aim. We are social animals. We need interaction with other people. If you were truly indifferent to what people think of you, what would be the point of partaking in society?
I think empathy is the aim. Being with people where they are and how they are and caring for them just as they are. In other words, opening up to true connection, and I’d say that being connected to others is the opposite of being indifferent to them.
Hi Sonja,
I love your eloquence in this comment.
To clarify, do you think it’s wrong to be self-protective when it comes to criticism? Is self-protection the opposite of being open to “true connection?” I ask this because I think the inner and outer critic has destroyed many a writer. So I think being “unmoved by criticism” may actually be a wise move.
Thanks for giving me some good stuff to ponder!
All the best,
Susan
One of our email subscribers weighing in:
Hi Susan,
I definitely agree with Mr. London. I personally believe that we should pursue the things that make our hearts sing. I believe that we should learn to love, appreciate and respect ourselves, and to let that love appreciation and respect extend to all forms of being. The older I get, the more I realise that the only opinion of you that really matters, is the one you have of yourself. Heard something along those lines back in the seventies, and it’s been with me ever since. Success means different things to different people, but I really like the idea of it being another path to service. There’s my two cents worth, along with a thank you for providing this forum for us.
Peace and Light,
trélys
I think criticism is valuable – nay, necessary – if you want to improve. If you can take your own ego and crap out of it and listen to what someone is saying and really be with them, then you’ll always learn something from what they’re saying. Now, I’m not saying that all criticism warrants making changes. Some criticism might come from the other person’s ego and crap and have nothing to do with you or your work. But by being with the person as they are, you will see that. And of course sometimes the criticism does have to do with your work, and then you need to decide if their vision of what your work should be is in line with your vision of what you were trying to accomplish.
People do get too close to their own work and become unable to see it, and an outside perspective can be extremely useful. Just as a mechanical example, everyone has had the experience of writing something, reading it over and over, and then giving it to someone else to read, and that person finds a bunch of typos that the author could not see her/himself. This can happen with all aspects and include character motivation, consistency, plot, setting, etc. etc.
At the end of the day, of course you must be true to yourself, but other people can certainly help you do that.
Sonja says:
> “Ultimately, the aim must be to become indifferent to what people think of us — to become immune to applause
> and unmoved by criticism.â€
> I’m not sure that’s the aim. We are social animals. We need interaction with other people. If you were truly
> indifferent to what people think of you, what would be the point of partaking in society?
I have to agree with this. At the same time, I think it’s important to note who is giving you the validation. For example, praise for my writing from Susan carries a lot more weight than praise from some run-of-the-mill person who, let’s say, doesn’t read a lot.
> Being with people where they are and how they are and caring for them just as they are. In other words,
> opening up to true connection, and I’d say that being connected to others is the opposite of being indifferent
> to them.
Interesting thought. And two related points. This sort of connected/not connected, and where to draw the line, is a recurring theme of one of my all-time favorite novelists, Jose Saramago. He wrote an entire, dense novel in which “nothing” seem to happen, The Year of The Death of Riccardo Reiss, that is entirely about this. Four-hundred pages that I couldn’t turn fast enough, even though I realize it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Second point is that this is what my character Welsey is herself dealing with—how to connect, who to connect to, and how a famous person can connect to anybody, since everyone she encounters is either a brown-noser eager to boost their place in society by being liked by her or someone who wants something—money, fame, recognition—from her. She spends a lot of time wondering what her life would have been like if she hadn’t been famous and wealthy, and whether anyone *really* likes her.
My next novel, in the planning stages, tentatively titled Intimacy, also deals with this connected/indifference paradox.
I love these comments!
For what it’s worth, I have a group of six or seven “first readers” that I call on whenever I finish a new novel. (I got this idea from a workshop I attended by Marge Piercy.) These people are writers and serious readers who read the manuscript and give me honest feedback. I don’t know what I’d do without them. They keep me honest and make me a better writer.
I guess to me, there’s a difference between critique and criticism. One is helpful, the other is mean-spirited. I welcome critique. I hate criticism.
I recently read a great critique of criticism. 😉
Another email subscriber weighs in:
“Hi Susan, First of all, I don’t believe it is possible to be immune to what others think of us. Some of us try not to value ourselves by what others think of us but in everyday reality we do. It’s called: being human.
Being in the moment speaks volumes and would bring joy to those who can accomplish its complexities but I fear I have been struggling with this concept for some time and usually miss the mark completely. Of course, I will continue searching for happiness and peace which I think is only possible when we live in the present.
I enjoyed this post very much.. Thank You”