Have you ever wondered how to write better than you normally do? Here’s something I lifted from the McSweeney’s website, a publishing house founded by editor Dave Eggers. Since I like to laugh and I love to write, I enjoyed this list and thought you might, too. If anything resonates with you, I hope you’ll let me know. Even if you’re a non-writer, it’s nice to know how to write better. So, KEEP WRITING (singing, dancing, yodeling, painting, sculpturing, composing, and otherwise being creative)!
The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do.
BY Colin Nissan
WRITE EVERY DAYWriting is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think of your words as reps, your paragraphs as sets, your pages as daily workouts. Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym where you open and close your inner thighs in front of everyone, exposing both your insecurities and your genitals. Because that is what writing is all about.
DON’T PROCRASTINATE
Procrastination is an alluring siren taunting you to google the country where Balki from Perfect Strangers was from, and to arrange sticky notes on your dog in the shape of hilarious dog shorts. A wicked temptress beckoning you to watch your children, and take showers. Well, it’s time to look procrastination in the eye and tell that seafaring wench, “Sorry not today, today I write.”
FIGHT THROUGH WRITER’S BLOCK
The blank white page. El Diablo Blanco. El Pollo Loco. Whatever you choose to call it, staring into the abyss in search of an idea can be terrifying. But ask yourself this; was Picasso intimidated by the blank canvas? Was Mozart intimidated by the blank sheet music? Was Edison intimidated by the blank lightbulb? If you’re still blocked up, ask yourself more questions, like; Why did I quit my job at TJ Maxx to write full-time? Can/should I eat this entire box of Apple Jacks? Is The Price is Right on at 10 or 11?
LEARN FROM THE MASTERS
Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never get such a giant head that you feel entitled to throw around obscure phrases like “Show, don’t tell.” Thanks for nothing, Mr. Cryptic.
FIND YOUR MUSE
Finding a really good muse these days isn’t easy, so plan on going through quite a few before landing on a winner. Beware of muses who promise unrealistic timelines for your projects or who wear wizard clothes. When honing in on a promising new muse, also be on the lookout for other writers attempting to swoop in and muse-block you. Just be patient in your search, because the right muse/human relationship can last a lifetime.
HONE YOUR CRAFT
There are two things more difficult than writing. The first is editing, the second is expert level Sudoku where there’s literally two goddamned squares filled in. While editing is a grueling process, if you really work hard at it, in the end you may find that your piece has fewer words than it did before, which is great. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw said it best when upon sending a letter to a close friend, he wrote, “I’m sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to make it shorter.” No quote better illustrates the point that writers are very busy.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK
It’s so easy to hide in your little bubble, typing your little words with your little fingers on your little laptop from the comfort of your tiny chair in your miniature little house. I’m taking this tone to illustrate the importance of developing a thick skin. Remember, the only kind of criticism that doesn’t make you a better writer is dishonest criticism. That, and someone telling you that you have weird shoulders.
READ, READ, READ
It’s no secret that great writers are great readers, and that if you can’t read, your writing will often suffer. Similarly, if you can read but have to move your lips to get through the longer words, you’ll still be a pretty bad writer. Also, if you pronounce “espresso” like “expresso.”
STUDY THE RULES, THEN BREAK THEM
Part of finding your own voice as a writer is finding your own grammar. Don’t spend your career lost in a sea of copycats when you can establish your own set of rules. If everyone’s putting periods at the end of their sentences, put yours in the middle of words. Will it be incredibly difficult to read? Yes it will. Will it set you on the path to becoming a literary pioneer? Tough to say, but you’re kind of out of options at this point.
KEEP IT TOGETHER
A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a pinata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a pinata at a birthday party in a mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to keep you wearing pants.
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So what do you think? Did you find the MUSE section, very a-Muse-ing?
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I loved this piece—so incredibly funny and true. Expresso instead of espresso had me laughing out loud. After I finish the wash, today I WILL write. As always, thanks for sending this along.
Best,
Mary
Hi Mary,
You’re quite welcome. It’s always great to hear from you. I thought the expresso/espresso was funny, too. It was all very clever.
Yes, I encourage you to write TODAY. Take your creativity out for a spin. You won’t regret it. xo
Well, haven’t checked it out but I hope it’s better than Dave Eggers’ latest novel, The Circle, which has to be one of the worst things I’ve read in the last five years. Reminded me something self-published you’d find on Authoronomy.
I honestly feel my own idea for a post-techpocalyptic SF is better than what he put together, but since I won’t sit down and write it I guess I have no room to talk. Still working on my current one, which after five years I’m still unhappy with and am ripping apart again for the eighth draft. (Let’s face it, I’ll never finish it because I just hate it. But I hate most of the novels I read so I can’t be too hard on myself. The last writer who blew me away was Deborah Eisenberg and so I expect everything to be that good. Or better. Better would be nice. ;-))
Wow. I’m sorry to hear Dave Eggers’ latest novel is that bad. Perhaps that’s why he created a publishing company. This way he always has someone to publish his work? Of course, I have no room to criticize since I haven’t read it.
As for you, John, it pains me that you feel this way about your own book. I think you need to step away from it for a while until you can enjoy it again. Otherwise, you run the risk of others hating it, too. Think, Like Water for Chocolate. Did you ever read the novel or see that film? While deemed magic realism, I think there’s a lot of truth to it.