“Our thoughts limit what we’re capable of doing. There are external forces arrayed against us, but there are also internal forces that sabotage us before we even get started. Our mind is good at setting us up for failure and getting us to think small. But I have found that we will do for love that which we don’t think is possible. So the question to ask ourselves is ‘What do I love?'” -Julia Butterfly Hill
For those of you who don’t know Julia Butterfly Hill, here is the first paragraph introducing her on her website:
For 738 days Julia Butterfly Hill lived in the canopy of an ancient redwood tree, called Luna, to help make the world aware of the plight of ancient forests. Her courageous act of civil disobedience gained international attention for the redwoods as well as other environmental and social justice issues and is chronicled in her book The Legacy of Luna: The Story of a Tree, a Woman, and the Struggle to Save the Redwoods.
Go here to read the rest. She is an amazing woman.
However, you’ve got to admit her quote above is challenging. The part that sabotages us is what I would call our inner critic. Our inner critic talks us out of doing things and being in the world in ways that would otherwise be powerful and good for us because he is basically a coward and wants to keep us under his control.
The inner critic wants our life to stay small. He hates change. He hates quiet revolutions. He wants us to not comment, to not speak up for what we believe in, to not write or draw or sing or connect with like-minded souls because that would make us too boundless, too effective, too vital. That would mean we have an opportunity to get free from his grasp.
In other words, the inner critic is full of shit. He keeps many a writer, artist and creative type from doing the work that will help make the world a more compassionate, creative place.
Love is a powerful tonic to help loosen the inner critic’s hold on us. As Julia says, we must ask ourselves: What is it that I love?
I would also add the questions: What am I willing to fight for and fail at? What am I willing to be vulnerable about? In what arenas or situations am I willing to be brave? Other than family, what people am I willing to love even if it’s hard, even if there are conflicts, even if they challenge me?
I love writing. I love my readers. I love my life, even though–like all of us–I have an inner critic who gives me hell for stepping out, for releasing 7 minutes of a heartfelt interview, for writing books that not everyone will love. But I’m doing it anyway. I’m sitting in my own redwood, refusing to let it go down. I invite you to do the same.
Do you have an inner critic that won’t leave you alone? Most of us do. Have you figured out ways to live a creative life anyway? If so, this is incredibly valuable information for all of us. Please share your thoughts in the comment section. I reply to all.
Often times, my inner critic works overtime. Am I a good writer? Can I really write this book? Will it be any good?
I often ask myself these questions, especially when I am beginning a new novel. I was able to write “The Ginseng Conspiracy” and the forthcoming, “Murder Under the Tree,” but were those books flukes? Can I still finish this third mystery?
I just charge ahead even with my doubts, and revise and revise and revise until I’m satisfied.
Added note: Susan, I loved your interview.
I hear you, Susan. I’ve said some of the same things to myself. That inner critic is such a pain! I have just started my 9th novel, and every time I begin a new one I have to remind myself that I know what I’m doing. I have the “charge ahead” part of me, too. I just keep going. I just keep striving to get better. I study really good writers. I take classes with really good people. But most importantly, I write. I write a lot. Like practicing a musical instrument, I think that’s the only way we learn to write good books and really good stories.
Thanks for your comment, Susan. And thanks for taking the time to watch the interview. Both mean a lot to me. xo
I posted this blog post on a group I belong to on Linked In called Fiction Writers Guild with the question: How do you deal with your inner critic? Here are some of the responses I’ve gotten so far.
From Jae:
I love it. Saves me from heinous mistakes that, at the time, seemed to be wonderful ideas. I call it my ‘subconscious approver of things’, and it guides me – if I give it time to work (usually about 24 hours at most), and then listen to it.
From Me:
Hi Jae,
Sounds like your inner critic isn’t harsh at all. Wish I had one of those. 🙂
From Ian:
At the risk of being heretical (again!) I say, “Embrace your inner critic!” For me, the inner critic does not stop me doing things, but rather it stops me doing things that won’t work, and makes me think of what will. The key to being original, in my opinion, is to also be self-critical. Ninety-nine ideas won’t work, yet one will. The key is to quickly get rid of those ninety-nine, and only the inner critic will let you identify them. Polish up that critic so that it identifies them very quickly.
From Sarah:
Yup. Add me to the list of people who sees extreme value in my inner critic. Writing is my livelihood. I honestly can’t afford to suck. I have a mortgage and ridiculously pricey US health insurance premiums to pay, not to mention self-employment taxes. So I’m tougher on myself than any editor has ever been. Well, except maybe one or two =)
I talk about this a lot with my friend who’s a professional painter (and also brutally self-critical), and we’re in agreement that all creative types go through a phase where they need freedom to explore and play with their medium without judging themselves. And we both certainly indulge in that now and then in controlled bursts (you get stale otherwise). It’s sort of a cool thing about teaching — your students who are in the early stages can really take you back to that place of excitement and possibility.
But yeah, eventually if you want to meet certain goals, you have to drive yourself pretty hard. It’s not necessarily a bad feeling when you get there. There’s an intense satisfaction to it, because you know as hard as it is, you’re getting stronger and producing better work.
From Jasper:
I have two sorts of inner critic.
The first tells me: “That sentence is too long, that character wouldn’t say that, this dialogue isn’t working, you need to cut here” etc. etc.
The second tells me half way through a book: “This is a pile of rubbish, your characters are unbelievable, your writing stinks, and you’ll never make the plot work out.”
I listen very hard to the first and act upon his recommendations.
I listen quite hard to the second, too, but having heard much the same from him mid-way through all my previous novels, I now send my half-finished manuscript to someone else (used to be my agent, now a friend). They read it, usually pick on things that don’t work but otherwise cheer me up and I carry on to the bitter end.
From Me:
Thanks, Jasper. I think you’re onto something here. We are talking about two different inner critics. There is the helpful inner critic who holds us to a high standard in our work and keeps us honest. However, there is also a harsh inner critic who tells us “you should be better” “Your work doesn’t matter.” “You’re not good enough”, etc. The latter, I see ALL THE TIME in the Fearless Writing for Women classes I teach.
Before they even start, many of these women have a harsh inner critic who says they’re not good enough, they don’t have anything to say, and that no one will want to read what they write anyway. So that harsh inner critic kills off their creativity before it even begins.
Meanwhile, those of us who have the fortitude to start writing and keep writing for years (18 years for me, so far) have tamed that harshest critic and now use it for good. That’s my theory anyway, and I could be wrong.
Thanks to everyone for commenting. This is a great group. A very thoughtful group. I have pasted your responses (with only first names) on my blog, so that my readers might benefit from your wisdom.
http://www.susangabriel.com/blog