In a month, my newest novel Temple Secrets will be published. YAY!! Before that happens, there are dozens of details that have to be handled. One of those details is creating a book description.
A book description is what goes on the back cover, as well as in the description section on Amazon, nook, iTunes, etc. It’s everywhere. Sometimes writing book descriptions is almost as hard as writing the book!
While I’ve done my fair share of book descriptions, I’ve never actually shared them before they went on the book. But this time I thought I would run the book description by you, my friends and readers, to see what you think.
Here’s where I ask for your feedback. If you are willing to offer your thoughts on what I came up with, I would greatly appreciate it. You can make a comment below, or email me directly susan@susangabriel.com.
Here are the questions I’d like you to keep in mind:
- The way it’s described, is this a book you’d be interested in reading?
- Is there anything in the description that stopped you, confused you, or got in your way?
- Do you have a better way to say something? Thoughts to make it better?
Okay, so after a lot of hair-tearing, at least one scream and help from my trusty editor, here’s the description I came up with:
Temple Secrets
Every family has secrets, but the elite Temple family of Savannah have more than their share. To maintain their powerful grip in the South, they’ve also been collecting the dirt on other prestigious families, whose indiscretions go as far back as the Civil War. When someone begins leaking these tantalizing tidbits to the newspaper, Savannah is rocking with secrets.
The current keeper of the secrets and matriarch of the Temple clan–Iris–is a woman of unpredictable gastrointestinal illnesses and has an extra streak of meanness that even the ghosts in the Temple mansion avoid. When Iris unexpectedly dies, the consequences are far flung and significant, not only to her family, but to Savannah itself.
Queenie, Iris’s half-sister, and the half black/half white love child of Iris’s father, may end up with nothing, even after being Iris’s long-suffering companion for thirty-five years. Then there’s Rose, Iris’s estranged daughter, who returns home after being away for over two decades to make sure her conniving brother, Edward, doesn’t cheat her and Queenie out of their inheritances. Not to mention Violet, a fourth generation black Temple servant, who wants to finally escape the Temple family forever and open a downtown bakery. And who will inherit the mansion?
At the heart of the story is Old Sally, an expert in Gullah folk magic, who some suspect cast a voodoo spell on Iris that may have led to her demise. At 100 years of age, Old Sally keeps a wise eye over the whole boisterous business of secrets and the settling of Iris’s estate.
In the Temple family, nothing is as it seems, and everyone has a secret. Fans of The Help and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil will be delighted by this comic novel of family secrets.
What do you think? I welcome any feedback you have. Thank you! xo
The biggest thing that jumps out at me is maybe a little too long.
Well-written, though!
If you could give me feedback on the headline of my front Welsey page, I’d appreciate it. I keep changing it. I’ve yet to find a single sentence that captures it perfectly. http://entertainingwelseyshaw.com/
I did wonder about the length myself. Thanks, John.
The headline you have right now isn’t nearly as good, imho, as this line you use: Entertaining Welsey Shaw is the story of two types of people who normally never meet—and what happens after they do.
That has never been the headline. That line’s always come at the end of the body copy. (I also sum up some of my pitch letters with it.) I think it’s too long and too vague for a headline but I’ll take a look.
Maybe you can shorten the length by removing a bit of the details. Like naming each of the family members. Maybe you can be a bit more broader by saying that after the matriarch dies the family comes home with all their own agendas. Or something to that effect. It might give away TOO much of the plot.
Also it sounds like a book the Southern Belles and Beaus Goodreads group would be interested in reading! maybe it can be our next book of the month!
Susan,
You had me at the first sentence. Then I wanted to know what KIND of grip they had…intriguing but conjuring up an image of them would be helpful….in case I didn’t understand the issue with family secrets.
Looking so forward to buying it to go beside all the other novels of yours I highlighted because I loved the turns of phrases and great quotes!
Susan,
The book sounds intriguing, that’s for sure. I’d suggest some tightening.
Hi Krystin,
Thanks so much for the feedback! It is very helpful. I hear what you’re saying about removing some of the details. It seems that will help tighten and shorten the description like some of the others have suggested. I will revise with this in mind!
Also, I’d be honored for Temple Secrets to be read by the Southern Belles and Beaus Goodreads group! I could even show up to answer questions if you’d like.
Thanks again! xo
Hi Missy,
I thought you might enjoy the whole family secrets theme in Temple Secrets.;) Point taken about the KIND of grip, and conjuring up an image. Good feedback. Thanks!! xo
Will do, Barbara. Thanks so much for the feedback!
Susan, sounds good, though maybe a bit long….do wonder if the sentence in Par 3 beginning “Not to mention……” is truly a sentence? Looking forward to this next in your successful ongoing editions by one of my favorite authors!!!
Ahhh. So kind of you to say, Diana. Thanks for the input, too. It is very helpful. xoxo
Sounds like it’s going to be sooo good.. Those kind of stories seem to take on a life of their own.. And Gullah culture has always intrigued me. As far as the review.. A little long maybe? I always think descriptions should be mysterious and elusive.. Which it is at the beginning – maybe combine the middle paragraphs? but definitely mention the Gullah in there. Can’t wait to read! xoxo Christie
On the subject of new novels coming out, a highly-regarded (not by me) writer is having her debut novel released in two months–this after several mediocre and similar collections of short stories. Amazon has already chosen this as one of the “Best of2015” novels. How it can make this decision in January, when her novel isn’t even out yet, is a mystery for which I can think of only one explanation. (Hint: it involves the passage of green rectangles from hand to hand.)
Seems everything is gamed these days.
Hi Christie,
Thanks so much for your feedback! It is very, very helpful. I will be paring the description down, for sure, and I like your other suggestions, as well. I am printing out all the comments and will have them with me when I rewrite.:) Thanks! xo
Hi John,
It could be Amazon got an advanced copy and are creating some buzz. I have no idea. I am not good at figuring out why the “empire” does or doesn’t do things. I’m just doing my own thing here, and trying to keep my integrity in tact while I do it. But you could be right.